Been a long time....yet here I still am. 

Today is Tuesday June 10th, 2025....and here I am. Sitting in my office, running in circles, chasing squirrels and rabbits down long long dark and lost holes in the ground somewhere. 

I said last night that one of my "goals" for today would be to research network marketing. So far, I've come across a website called "meet up" as well resorted back to the tried and true "BNI". No BNI chapters within a 15 mile radius of me. One side of the brain says "start a group" the other says, the one in Chesapeake is online....but deep down I feel like that wouldn't be genuine. As for meet up....I didn't stay to long in that hole....my brain started talking (aka distracting me)....so I left their website. 

Earlier today I ran into town to get some genetic testing done, regarding cancer. The gal there told me I was a good candidate for that, bc of my "rich" family history of cancer. Three generations on my maternal side have had it, so that increases my risk factors. She even said that I would be a good candidate for not only getting a mammogram every year, but also an MRI.... honestly the only noise I could hear was the sound of the cash register "cha-ching, cha-ching" and my wallet being so empty the only sounds was a puff of air.

So many things running through my mind at the moment...you have not even 1/2 a clue as to a single percentage point the amount. 

I miss my daughter and son(his wife) and my grandbabies so deeply. I miss my daily interactions with some of the greatest people on the planet. My circle. My battery rechargers. My......everythings. 

Was talking with my husband about it all this weekend....He came up with a pretty accurate analogy. What was once a great, mighty and very fruitful lemon tree....has now become a meek and very fragile off shoot that is trying to set down roots and grow in a pretty major storm.  

So here I sit. Unsure of where to go first, what the next step is, where to stretch out my roots for oxygen and nourishment so that I can begin to grow again. 

I think I will start here....journaling, being with my thoughts, putting them out in the great unknown....may visit them again, may not. Who knows....

I will leave this poem...I wrote on February 2, 2022 at 6:55pm....

"Once there were waves that crashed along the shore. I had no idea of their power and type of motion. Fresh air, birds soaring all while I'm frozen with fear, as I walk about the water's edge. Deep sense of peace overflows, as my toes (bare) walk in the sand. Will you hold my hand? Please be with me-be slow to anger and do not leave. I hope time soon passes so I can begin to grieve. What once was strong, full of joy and bold needs time and space so she can return to Gold" Rebecca Shirley